63 pages • 2 hours read
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The story opens with the following paragraph:
At noon another load of raccoons comes in and Claude takes them out back of the office and executes them with a tire iron. Then he checks for vitals, wearing protective gloves. Then he drags the cage across 209 and initiates burial by dumping the raccoons into the pit that’s our little corporate secret. After burial comes prayer, a person touch that never fails to irritate Tim, our ruthless CEO. Before founding Humane Raccoon Alternatives, Tim purposefully backed his car over a frat boy and got ten-to-twelve for manslaughter. In jail he earned his MBA by designing and marketing a line of light-up Halloween brooches. Now he gives us the brooches as performance incentives and sporadically trashes a bookshelf or two to remind us of his awesome temper and of how ill-advised we would be to cross him in any way whatsoever (45).
After the burial, the story’s protagonist, a male named Jeffrey, writes out customer invoices and includes “a paragraph or two on how overjoyed the raccoons were when we set them free” (45-46), adding that “no writes a better misleading letter” than he does:
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By George Saunders