Chatter: The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It

In Chapter 4, Kross recounts a personal experience—an instance he touched on in the introduction to the book—that became the foundation for his research on self-distancing techniques. After receiving a threatening letter, Kross struggled with anxiety that disrupted his sleep and daily functioning. During one sleepless night, he inadvertently addressed himself by name in his thoughts. This simple shift in perspective allowed him to view his situation more objectively and recognize the irrationality of his fears, ultimately helping him regain emotional control.

This experience sparked Kross’s interest in how people use language to create psychological distance from their problems. He began noticing instances of people referring to themselves in the second or third person during moments requiring emotional control. He observed this pattern in diverse contexts—from LeBron James discussing his career decision to Malala Yousafzai recounting her response to death threats. Historical examples included Julius Caesar narrating his military campaigns in third person and Henry Adams writing his autobiography from a distanced perspective.

Kross and his colleagues designed experiments to test this phenomenon scientifically. In one study, participants prepared for a stressful public speaking task. Those instructed to reflect on their anxiety using their own name and non-first-person pronouns (a technique termed “distanced self-talk”) demonstrated less anxiety, performed better, and ruminated less afterward compared to those using first-person pronouns.