Can't We Talk About Something More Pleasant?: A Memoir

Published in 2014, Can’t We Talk About Something More Pleasant? is a graphic memoir by American cartoonist Roz Chast, who is known for her work in The New Yorker. The memoir recounts the author’s experience caring for her elderly parents during the last years of their lives, as they transitioned from independence to dependence. The book’s title derives from her parents’ refusal to discuss their impending death.

Through her illustrations and candid narrative, Chast tackles the complexities of caring for aging parents, the challenges of navigating elder care systems, and the common use of emotional avoidance as a coping mechanism. The memoir has been acclaimed for its heartfelt honesty and humor, earning praise for its ability to capture the universal ordeal of caring for aging parents and balancing guidance with empathy. The work received several awards, including the National Book Critics Circle Autobiography/Memoir award and the inaugural Kirkus Prize in the nonfiction category presented by Kirkus Reviews in 2014.

This guide refers to the 2014 e-book edition published by Bloomsbury USA.

Content Warning: The source material and this guide openly address death and illness.

Summary

Can’t We Talk About Something More Pleasant? is narrated in the first person by Roz Chast, the author. The graphic memoir features her full-color illustrations, interspersed with pages of handwritten commentary and family photographs.

The memoir opens with an introduction in which Chast reveals her parents’ background. Elizabeth and George Chast both came from Jewish families that immigrated from Russia to America and grew up in poverty. Both displayed emotional avoidance when dealing with difficult topics, especially concerning death. Despite having contrasting personalities—Elizabeth was stubborn and strong-willed, while George was meek—they were deeply codependent and could not envision life without one another.

After a difficult childhood in Brooklyn, full of conflicts with her parents, Chast moved to the suburbs of Connecticut with her husband and children. She didn’t visit her parents in Brooklyn for years until she decided to do so in 2001. Arriving at her parents’ apartment, she noticed that everything remained unchanged and that the apartment was dirty and cluttered. She started to visit more, and with each visit noticed that her parents, who were 90 years old, were becoming increasingly frail. Her mother had some physical problems, while her father’s mental capacity was deteriorating. Roz found herself wishing her parents would peacefully die in their sleep together so that she wouldn’t have to deal with their decline.

In 2005, Chast’s mother fell while using a stepstool to retrieve something from a closet. She refused to go to the hospital and was bedridden for months. She started to experience severe abdominal pain and developed a fever. She was eventually taken to the hospital and diagnosed with acute diverticulitis. While Elizabeth was in the hospital, Chast took her father to stay with her at her home in Connecticut. Only then did she realize just how bad his senility had become: He was always confused and asked repetitive, paranoid questions about his bankbooks. Chast found the situation frustrating but mostly sad, since George seemed lost without Elizabeth. After Elizabeth was released from the hospital, she continued to frequently fall but still refused any outside help. One day, after Elizabeth fell again, George sought help but got lost in the building. After this incident, they agreed that it was time for a change.

In 2007, Chast found an assisted living facility near her home in Connecticut, and her parents agreed to move there. Chast dealt with emptying her parents’ old apartment, which was full of stuff they had accumulated over the years. Several photos show various items and the condition of the apartment. Chast decides to keep only a few meaningful items. The facility, which Chast refers to as “the Place,” was comforting, featured cheerful décor, and offered several activities such as a chessboard, a pool table, and a puzzle station. However, it was very expensive and was not covered by insurance. Eventually, George and Elizabeth settled into a routine at the Place.

One night, four months after they arrived at the Place, George fell and broke a hip. Even after it was fixed, he was never the same: He became depressed, refused to do physical therapy, and developed deep bedsores that left him in agony. Eventually, he needed extra care, leading to financial concerns for Chast. She struggled with two versions of herself: one that treasured her parents and wanted to help them, and another that resented them. Months later, George was admitted into hospice care. Still, Elizabeth refused to accept the reality of his impending death. George developed pneumonia, and near the end of 2007, he peacefully passed away.

After George’s death, Chast struggled to take care of her mother alone. Elizabeth was very stubborn, and they had frequent conflicts. In 2008, Elizabeth’s health declined gradually. Her chronic diverticulitis worsened, and she started to lose mental acuity. She fell several times and lost weight. She required around-the-clock care, so Chast hired two nurses from an outside agency. Chast’s financial concerns increased. However, Elizabeth’s condition suddenly improved. She got along well with one of the nurses, Goodie, who offered to cover both shifts to help Chast financially. Elizabeth’s dementia progressed, and she started making up stories involving people from her past.

As the months passed, Elizabeth remained in a limbo state: She wasn’t living but wasn’t actively dying either. Chast worried about the financial toll. She attempted a conversation with her mother to resolve past issues, but Elizabeth dismissively said their past conflicts didn’t worry her. This upset Chast. In September 2008, Elizabeth developed a hole in her abdomen due to her diverticulosis. At the end of the month, she passed away.

In the Epilogue, the author notes that she keeps her parents’ cremains in her closet. The funeral director asked if Chast wanted their ashes mixed, but Chast declined, wanting to leave her father some space of his own. She likes having them in her closet, and every time she opens the door, she thinks of them. Chast remembers her dad with great affection and is still working through her feelings about her mother. Despite conflicts, she acknowledges that they were her parents, and she misses them deeply.