Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone

Published in 2017, Brené Brown’s Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone presents insights and strategies for finding what Brown refers to as true belonging in a time of increasing cultural polarization in America. Based on Brown’s grounded theory research, true belonging is a practice that involves believing in and belonging to oneself so fully that one can share one’s innermost, authentic self with the rest of the world and still feel connected to a greater humanity even when standing alone.

In Chapter 1, Brown provides personal background for her research on true belonging. She begins with a quote from Maya Angelou, adds anecdotes from her childhood and adult life, and touches on significant events that led her to revisit and expand upon her previous work on the topic. In relating these events, Brown describes how she came to understand how true belonging is a paradox of “being alone but still belonging” and “feeling alone but also strong” (27).

In Chapter 2, Brown reevaluates her research findings on belonging from The Gifts of Imperfection (2010). She notes that while her earlier definition of belonging is still relevant, it is incomplete. In addition to authenticity and self-acceptance, belonging, at times, requires the “courage to stand alone, totally alone” (32). Brown then introduces the four elements of true belonging she identified after conducting grounded theory interviews with research participants.

Chapter 3 provides historical context for understanding how and why American society has arrived at its current state of disconnection. Reviewing old and new data collected from the past 15 years, the author concludes that our society is experiencing a crisis of self-induced separation. The resulting anxiety stemming from isolation is amplified by a pervasive sense of fear, which the fault lines of race, gender, and class trigger when exposed. To navigate through the challenges presented by contemporary culture, Brown offers up a retooled application of the seven BRAVING strategies she presented in Rising Strong (2015): boundaries, reliability, accountability, vault, integrity, nonjudgment, and generosity.

In the subsequent chapters, Brown expands upon each of the four components of true belonging. In Chapter 4, she notes that interview participants who possess the strongest sense of true belonging remain “zoomed in” to others. That is, their opinions of others are based on actual, person-to-person experiences as opposed to stereotypes or hearsay. When they encounter points of view that differ from their own, they remain open to other perspectives in a way that fosters a sense of empathy, connection, and belonging.

Chapter 5 details the importance of engaging in debates and discussions in civil ways that honor the personal integrity of all parties. Here, Brown presents several personal anecdotes that reinforce her argument that prioritizing honesty and civility is central to ensuring emotional safety. When this need is not met, communities and organizations cannot provide an environment necessary for honest communication, connection, and effectiveness.

In Chapter 6, Brown argues for the restorative power of communing with strangers in times of both joy and pain. Because communion generates feelings of positivity and gratitude, this practice transforms action into meaningful connection. At the same time, Brown explains that, though demonizing common enemies can also bring a sense of belonging, it is an alienating act that isolates people from others and keeps them from true communion.

Finally, in Chapter 7, Brown stresses the importance of practicing true belonging from a posture of strength while remaining open and vulnerable. She argues that when we hold the courage to be true to ourselves and remain tender, we find greater freedom to act, innovate, and lead in ways that align with our principles. As our resiliency strengthens, we turn away from defending the self and discover greater capacity to take on the work of advocacy and resistance when called upon to do so.