Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone

The second element of true belonging practice requires 1) recognizing when debates or discussions have become emotionally grounded, zero-sum choices and 2) returning these conversations to a factually grounded, civil discourse. According to Princeton professor Harry Frankfurt, there are three elements to the modern usage of bullshit. While lying is used to defy truth, bullshitting is used to dismiss truth, particularly when speakers discuss topics they don’t fully understand or when individuals doubt or give up on the “notion of objective inquiry” (91). In Brown’s research, participants expressed frustration with maintaining authenticity and integrity in the face of “the ‘you’re either with us or against us’ argument” (92).

Brown notes that arguments framed as an either/or choice are a common appeal used during “times of significant emotional stress” in order to highlight the fact that “neutrality is dangerous” to the topic at hand (92). However, as she points out, the real danger is when these arguments are “not based in facts” and take advantage of “fears of not belonging or being seen as wrong or part of the problem” (93). These arguments effectively “force people to take sides” and shut down alternatives (93), thereby benefitting the person or group proposing the false choice.