Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other Close

Researcher William K. Rawlins categorizes friendships into three types: active, dormant, and commemorative. An active friendship is a relationship that currently occupies a central place in one’s life. These are the bonds that receive regular attention and effort, characterized by frequent communication, shared experiences, and mutual support. Friedman and Sow’s friendship is an active friendship.

Friedman and Sow reference the work of Emily Langan, who applies attachment theory to close friendships, suggesting that the dynamics of emotional bonds formed in friendships mirror those traditionally observed in child-caregiver relationships. Aspects of secure attachment in friendships include seeking comfort from the other friend in times of distress, using the friendship as a secure base from which to explore the world, and valuing the friend’s presence in one’s life. Sow and Friedman share that attachment theory applies to their friendship, and that they have served as secure bases for one another in their lives.

Big Friendship is a term coined by Sow and Friedman to describe a mature, reciprocal, meaningful, and generous friendship that transcends typical norms and expectations, marked by a deep emotional connection, significant life impact, and enduring commitment. It is a relationship that involves ongoing effort, mutual understanding, and the willingness to navigate complex challenges together.