Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other Close

Sow and Friedman say they used to joke that their friendship was too big to fail, referencing the economic theory that deems some banks too big to fail due to their importance to the global economy. However, they now know that no friendship is too big to fail, and say that they learned this lesson “the hard way” (163).

The authors reference the concept of the “seven-year itch”—a term traditionally applied to romantic relationships—to illustrate the natural evolution and potential decline of long-term friendships. Citing a study, they reveal that only 30% of close friendships endure beyond seven years. Sow and Friedman share that their rough patch happened six years into their friendship and that it was due to a lack of communication.

The authors categorize the deterioration of their friendship into two distinct phases. Initially, a series of misunderstandings and minor conflicts signaled a growing distance. This progressed to a more severe breakdown in communication, leading to repeated instances where they inadvertently hurt each other’s feelings.

In the early days of their friendship, communication seemed easy, giving the two women the impression that their communication styles were the same. However, they say that this conflict-free time left them ill-equipped to repair their relationship when it later began to falter.