Beyond Magenta: Transgender and Nonbinary Teens Speak Out

Christina is an AMAB (assigned male at birth) transgender woman who is currently a student at the Fashion Institute of Technology. The chapter opens with Christina’s memory of two girls harassing her on the subway by making cissexist (or anti-trans) comments and the physical altercation that broke out after. As much as the event left her shaken, Christina describes that day as only “one of many” (46). Reflecting on this kind of harassment, Christina expresses frustration: “I really, really hate being transgender. It’s a constant struggle” (47). It’s a challenge in her relationship with Gabriel, her boyfriend; it affects her financial planning, due to medical considerations; and the pressure to monitor her appearance is immense.

Christina “felt that [she] wanted to be a girl” (48) from a young age. When Christina was six and her older brother, Jonathan, was about eight, the two often played with their mother’s clothes, pretending to go shopping: “That was my idea about what girls do” (48). Elvin, their eldest brother who was about 14 at the time, would report to their parents that the two were “‘acting like girls’” (48). A few years later, Jonathan came out as gay, and their mother reacted poorly; Christina attributes her mother’s anti-queer bias to her Catholicism.

Her mother sent Christina to an all-boys Catholic high school against Christina’s wishes. Despite her best efforts, Christina struggled to maintain a masculine (and straight) façade. The bullying she had long experienced escalated, with peers calling her a “sissy and a faggot” (49). Eventually, though, she did make two loyal friends: Christopher, who became her best gay cisgender male friend, and Hoay, who is a straight cisgender man. She’s still in touch with both men today.

Christina received help from school counselors, one of who noted that Christina’s sketchbook was full of drawings of girls; the counselor suggested that “‘[p]eople draw what they want to be’” (56). At the time, though Christina knew the counselor was correct, she feared the social repercussions of trying to be herself: “I started thinking, Well, yeah, I want to be a girl, but it will never happen” (56). Christina told her peers at a Christian boy’s retreat that she was gay, “because it was easier” (57), and wanted their acceptance. During her senior year of high school, however, she decided to come out as a straight transgender woman.

While Christina’s father was immediately accepting of both Jonathan and Christina, Christina’s mother continued to struggle. Nonetheless, the summer before her senior year at the all-boys high school, Christina decided to begin presenting as female. Christina refers to the early stages of her transition as her “gender-bending” phase. She became openly trans at school and began styling herself in feminine ways.

Christina describes this period as a complicated one, both good and bad. Sometimes she found being teased for being feminine affirming—a “guilty pleasure.” Other transgender students, albeit living closeted lives, approached her to express appreciation of her courage. At the same time, Christina endured intense harassment and bullying by both peers and faculty. She was beaten up by a football player in class; the football player was later expelled and arrested, but after this point, Christina did start crying while at school.

After finishing her required four months of therapy, in March of her senior year, at age 18 (as early as Callen-Lorde allowed it at the time), Christina began taking hormones. The immediate effects left her weak and sick. She also felt the estrogen slowed her sex drive, though she didn’t mind this effect. She was thrilled with the physical changes that followed. By April, her breasts had grown.

Now in college, Christina reflects on her high school experience with pride. Peers told her that after she graduated, many other students began coming out. The summer before college began, she legally changed her name. In terms of romance, as a heterosexual trans woman, Christina struggles with dating straight cisgender men; her dates tend to ask invasive questions on finding out she is trans, often related to sex. Her relationship with her boyfriend, Gabriel, is rocky; though she voices concerns about his loyalty, the fact that he has accepted her as a transgender woman makes Christina feel she cannot risk leaving him for fear she might not find that acceptance again. Christina is eager to have gender affirming surgery.

Author Susan Kuklin shifts to an interview with Christina’s mother, who is now supportive of both Christina and Jonathan. She is extremely worried about Christina’s physical safety, as being visibly trans has made her the target of harassment in the past.