Before I Go to Sleep

The journal is a recurring motif in the novel, underlining the theme of memory and identity. By recording daily events, Christine is able, she says, “to create [her]self from nothing” (290), forging a vital link between her past and her present. In the absence of memory, the journal gives Christine “a narrative, a life” (290), slowly building her understanding of who she is as she pieces together her history.

Crucially, the journal gives Christine an alternative to relying on the narratives provided by Mike/Ben and Dr. Nash. For example, she says that the scrapbook of photographs “is a version of [her] past, but one chosen by Ben” (45-46), while her journal offers her own version. The authenticity of Christine’s version is emphasized in her description of the journal as “brown, bound in leather” (41), whereas the scrapbook “is bound in plastic that is supposed to look like worn leather but does not” (23).

At first, Dr. Nash must remind Christine of the existence of the journal every day. However, as her sense of identity coheres, she writes in the journal without prompting and begins remembering the things she has written down. The journal becomes Christine’s raison d’être, and she writes frantically in it at every opportunity.