Before I Go to Sleep

Before I Go to Sleep (2011) is the debut novel of English writer S. J. Watson. This psychological thriller features a protagonist suffering from amnesia. Forty-seven-year-old Christine Lucas wakes every morning with no memory of who or where she is. Each day she must reconstruct her identity with the help of her journal. Christine also gleans information from her husband, Ben, and a neurophysiologist, Dr. Nash. However, the more Christine discovers, the more she doubts the truth of what she is told.

Watson escalates the tension in Before I Go to Sleep using classic thriller devices, including an unreliable narrator, plot twists, a frantic pace, and an atmosphere of paranoia. Through Christine’s first-person, present-tense narration, readers share her experience of piecing clues together while distrusting the other characters. The nonlinear narrative adds to the sense of mystery and gradual revelation. Against this background, Watson explores memory’s connection to identity, the aging process, and the relationship between memory and storytelling.

Before I Go to Sleep won the Crime Writer’s Association John Creasey Dagger, the Galaxy National UK Thriller and Crime Novel of the Year, the 2012 Dutch Crimezone Debut of the Year, and the 2012 French SNCF du Polar Prize for Best Crime Novel awards. A film adaptation was released in 2014, directed by Rowan Joffe, and starring Nicole Kidman and Colin Firth.

Page citations in this guide refer to the 2014 Harper Perennial paperback edition.

Content Warning: The source material features depictions of sexual assault and domestic violence.

Plot Summary

Christine Lucas wakes in an unfamiliar bedroom with a man she does not recognize. She believes she is 29, but her reflection in the bathroom mirror is that of a middle-aged woman. Taped around the mirror are photographs of her and the man in the bedroom. When Christine confronts the stranger, he tells her he is her husband, Ben, and they have been married for years. He explains that Christine had an accident in her late twenties and has had amnesia ever since. Each morning she wakes with no memories.

Ben leaves for work, and shortly afterward Christine receives a call from Dr. Nash, who claims he is a neuropsychologist helping Christine with her memory. Ben is unaware of their appointments. When Dr. Nash arrives, he takes Christine to a local park. He returns her journal, which she has been keeping for several weeks. Dr. Nash tells Christine to read her journal and decide if she wants to continue their sessions.

At home, Christine reads the journal, beginning with the words: “DON’T TRUST BEN” (46). The first entries confirm that Christine has been working with Dr. Nash. She has successfully accessed some childhood memories but has never had a memory of Ben. The journal also recounts what Christine has learned from her husband. Ben told her they never had children and that a hit-and-run incident caused her amnesia. Although Christine recalls wanting to be a writer as a child, Ben claims she only ever worked as a secretary.

The journal continues by describing how writing events down helps Christine piece together her history. Dr. Nash triggers new memories by taking Christine to places from her past: her old home and the medical facilities she stayed in for years before returning to live with Ben. The visit to her former home triggers Christine’s first vivid memory of her husband: He was naked in the kitchen, and they were about to make love. However, Christine learns that Ben has lied to her about key events. She discovers that she was a published author before losing her memory and had a son named Adam. She also finds out that an assault in a hotel room caused her amnesia and that Ben divorced her several years ago. Christine confronts Ben about his lies, and he explains that he concealed these facts to protect her from unnecessary pain. He says that their son died while serving in Afghanistan.

Christine begins to recall details about her attack. Although she cannot remember her attacker’s face, she suspects she was having an affair with him. Christine learns from Dr. Nash that her old friend, Claire, has been trying to contact her. Claire and Christine meet, and Claire hands over a letter from Ben written years earlier. The letter explains why Ben divorced her and states his undying love. In her final journal entry, Christine writes that she has decided to tell Ben about her journal and her appointments with Dr. Nash.

Christine and Ben drive to the coast for the weekend. However, Christine realizes that their hotel room is where she was attacked years earlier. In Ben’s luggage are several pages from Christine’s journal. The missing entries reveal that the man Christine is with is not Ben, but a former lover, Mike. Mike attacked Christine in the hotel room after she ended their affair, causing her amnesia. When the real Ben divorced Christine, Mike posed as her husband and took Christine home.

In the hotel room, Christine confronts Mike, and he attacks her. Mike attempts to burn Christine’s journal in the trash, but Christine knocks it over, setting fire to the room. Mike dies in the fire, but Christine survives. She reunites with the real Ben and her son Adam, who is alive. Christine realizes that her memory has returned. She falls asleep unsure if she will remember anything in the morning.