Becoming Nicole

“Who we are is inseparable not only from who we think we are, but from who others think we are. We are touched and loved, we are appreciated or dismissed, praised or scorned, comforted or wounded. But before all else, we are seen. We are identified by others through the contours and colors and movements of our bodies.” 

In this quote, Nutt explains how a person’s identity is not formed in a vacuum. Because humans are social and form relationships with others, their identities are shaped by what other people see in them and think of them. Even if these perceptions aren’t accurate, they have influence. One of the primary things people see when they look at each other is physical form. As Nutt puts it later in the book, bodies tell stories about the people who inhabit them. In addition to presenting a person to others, bodies “connect us to the world because they are the instruments by which we experience the world” (252). This is why it’s so important for transgender people like Nicole to address the disconnect between their bodies and the identities that live inside these bodies. For many who face this struggle, the answer involves sex-reassignment surgery.

“As a safety expert, he [Wayne] didn’t like surprises. He liked plans, analyzing a situation, and assessing all the risks and consequences. Now everything had to be rethought.” 

Wayne likes the comfort he derives from planning, analysis, and weighing positives and negatives. He dislikes the discomfort that tends to accompany change. He feels this discomfort when he discovers that he and Kelly are about to receive two sons, rather than one. He feels it even more acutely when one of these sons insists on being a daughter.