Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience

“For children, it’s easy for everything to become a source of shame when nothing is normalized. You assume that if no one is talking about it, it must just be you.”

This quote introduces Brown’s key theme of vulnerability and courage. Throughout the book, she highlights how isolation destroys vulnerability by convincing us that our experiences are not connected to others and there is something deficient about us. Part of why Brown is so passionate about sharing emotional experiences is she believes it is part of the antidote to shame and isolation.

“In a world where perfectionism, pleasing, and proving are used as armor to protect our egos and our feelings, it takes a lot of courage to show up and be all in when we can’t control the outcome. […] Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.”

While we might intuitively think perfectionism is a way of becoming better and better at something, Brown believes perfectionism hinders us. She ties this to her theme of vulnerability and curiosity and explains that when we are so afraid to fail, we will never take risks and advance. By risking failure, shame, etc., through vulnerability we are actually demonstrating more strength than when we cling to perfectionism.

Comparison is the crush of conformity from one side and competition from the other—it’s trying to simultaneously fit in and stand out. Comparison says, ‘Be like everyone else, but better.”

Throughout Atlas of the Heart, Brown shows the importance of self-compassion to connect with ourselves and others. When we are preoccupied with being better than others yet afraid to stand out too much, we create unnecessary anxiety and belonging uncertainty. Only by resisting negative comparison can we celebrate others’ successes without feeling like we are less for doing so.