All Fours

The narrator’s midlife crisis launches her pursuit of personal and sexual freedom. Before leaving on her cross-country drive to New York City, she was “a little blue” and “not a lot of fun around the house” (12). She spends most of her time in her studio in the garage, trying to create art, and intermittently devotes time to her husband, Harris, and their child, Sam. However, the predictable aspects of the narrator’s home and family life stunt her sense of self. The only person she feels she can be herself with is her friend Jordi. Otherwise, the narrator uses her fictional creations to achieve a sense of personal gratification and masturbates to satiate her sexual fantasies. She spends most of her time telling herself that one day she’ll “leave this house, these people, this city, and live a completely different life” (23). The narrator feels as if motherhood and marriage trap her in an existence that limits her constant longing for newness and excitement. She therefore must venture out of her familiar Los Angeles environment to explore who she is and what she wants beyond the