All Boys Aren't Blue

Part 3 returns to the chronological structure of Part 1. Its purpose is to show the results of Johnson’s growing isolation and sense of difference, which began as a child. As Johnson says often, their family’s love and acceptance couldn’t stop them from being traumatized for being Black and queer in a world that oppresses people like them. This part of the memoir illustrates that struggle, from the sexual violence of Johnson’s cousin to being unable to come out in college.

Chapter 11 begins with the repetition of a phrase for emphasis to highlight their struggle to write about their sexual abuse by their cousin Thomas. Johnson repeats, “I contemplated whether I would write about you now that you are dead” (118), but this changes in the last repetition to “I decided to write about us” (119). Johnson shifts from the singular “I” to the collective “us” to discuss their trauma. Johnson wants to examine their trauma not from their singular perspective but from the perspective of collective queer trauma. Johnson believes that their cousin, Thomas, was abused. This supports the memoir’s underlying view that all trauma and violence happen in cycles. Queer people are much more likely to experience both physical and emotional abuse. Thomas’s abusive behavior is a part of this larger web. Nevertheless, Johnson wants readers to understand that examining traumatic experiences is a personal journey. Johnson’s choice to forgive their abuser after his death is personal, and Johnson clarifies that nobody owes forgiveness to an abuser.

Chapter 12 reflects on the self-isolation of queer youth. Johnson meets Zamis on the bus to school and is immediately attracted to him. However, Johnson has felt very isolated for most of their young life because of their feelings and how other children perceive them. so even when Johnson meets somebody else who turns out to be gay, they cover up their identity to protect themself. Past experience fuels a cycle of self-isolation. This is why Johnson includes the story of meeting Zamis at a gay bar as adults. Things might have turned out very differently for them if they had not felt the need to lie about who they were and self-isolate.

Chapter 13 is Johnson’s transition out of the isolation of childhood to living openly and proudly as a queer adult. For Johnson, attending a university far from New Jersey provides a blank slate. However, the shame they felt about being queer and disappointing those around them follows Johnson to university, where they cannot live openly in their first semester and fall into depression. Johnson does not feel comfortable being fully open with their family until their mid-twenties, showing that breaking out of cycles of discrimination isn’t as simple as moving somewhere else. Johnson attempts to break out of this trap as an individual, ultimately failing to do so. Part 4 shows that the help of community and friends are needed to overcome the obstacles of discrimination.