A Child Called It: One Child’s Courage to Survive

A month before entering fifth grade, Pelzer loses his faith in God. He rationalizes that no just God would allow the kind of abuse he endures. Pelzer remembers disassociating from the pain inflicted on him by his mother. He writes that he felt like a “robot, rarely revealing my emotions” (102). Dave becomes afflicted with an acute hatred for his mother, his father, his family, even children laughing as they play outside his door. He recalls praying to God so his mother would fall sick. One day, when he was five or six, his mother actually did fall ill after he prayed for her to do so. However, the illness was short-lived, and Catherine began abusing Dave again.

Dave also starts identifying his father as a traitor. He realizes that though his father attempts to protect him, Stephen also views Dave as a traitor. When Catherine and Stephen are fighting, Catherine often calls upon Dave to repeat things Stephen might have said in past arguments to bolster her side. Dave does so to avoid a beating, but this triangulation further estranges him from his father.

Dave’s relationship with his brothers becomes even more tense. That summer the brothers even take turns hitting Dave. Yet Dave recalls that he hated himself above all. For years, Catherine had instructed him to say out loud, “I hate myself! I hate myself! I hate myself!” (105). By the fifth grade, Dave wishes he was dead. He acts out in school, even storming out and slamming a door so hard the glass shatters. His schoolmates tease him, saying he smells and beating him up.

However, there is one positive incident. Encouraged by a kind teacher named Mr. Zeigler, Dave conceives of clever name for the school newspaper, which is chosen in a contest. Mr. Zeigler writes a letter to Catherine stating that she should be very proud of Dave for this achievement. However, upon receiving this letter, Catherine insists to Dave, “You are a nobody! An It! You are nonexistent!” (108). Dave realizes that her words are not influenced by alcohol; they reflect how she feels. Dave begins purposefully irritating Catherine, hoping to provoke her into killing him.

Dave finds small comfort in the birth of his brother Kevin. Dave remembers Kevin as a beautiful baby, and he takes pleasure in Kevin’s smiles and laughter. However, Catherine tells people that Dave kicked her in the stomach while she was pregnant, causing a birth defect in Kevin. Catherine claims that Dave is jealous of the new baby. She alienates her friends and family, even calling her own mother vicious names. She often telephones Stephen at the fire station to call him “worthless” and a “drunken loser” (113). The firefighters begin answering the phone and laying it down instead of handing it over to Stephen. On Thanksgiving that year, Stephen returns home three hours late and completely drunk. Catherine has prepared a fine meal. Under the watchful gaze of Stephen’s friend, Stephen packs his bags. Shortly after, Catherine and Stephen separate. On the drive home from dropping Stephen’s belongings off at a dingy motel, Catherine glances at Dave and says, “You are all mine now” (117).