8 Rules of Love: How to Find it, Keep it, and Let it Go

“Nobody sits down and teaches us how to love. Love is all around us, but it can be hard to learn from friends and family who themselves are just winging it.” 

Shetty argues that love requires learning and practice and that friends and family are not the best resources for learning about love and relationships. Having a set of rules like those detailed in the book guides readers through specific steps and ideas to improve their relationships, their conceptions of love, and themselves.

“This book is different because it’s not about finding the perfect person or relationship and leaving the rest to chance. I want to help you intentionally build love instead of wishing, wanting, and waiting for it to arrive fully formed. I want to help you deal with the challenges and imperfections we encounter on the journey to love. I want you to create a love that grows every day, expanding and evolving rather than achieved and complete.”

Shetty suggests actively building love with the goal of addressing problems in healthy and purposeful ways. He wants people to prepare for love, practice love, protect it, and perfect it with intention, instead of expecting it to already be perfect. He proposes a type of relationship that is constantly “growing” and “evolving.” This also relates to the book’s theme of Learning and Emotional Growth.

“Love is not about staging the perfect proposal or creating a perfect relationship. It’s about learning to navigate the imperfections that are intrinsic to ourselves, our partners, and life itself.” 

Expecting a perfect relationship or partner is unreasonable. Shetty uses an anecdote about attempting the perfect proposal with his wife that went wrong and neglected her desires. The book explains how to accept the “imperfections” in a relationship, partner, or oneself that will inevitably arise. Life is not perfect, and relationships and people aren’t either.