8 Rules of Love: How to Find it, Keep it, and Let it Go

Self-help is a genre that promotes personal growth and self-learning. It began in ancient times, with philosophical and spiritual texts like Meditations by Marcus Aurelius and Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu, and the genre continues to develop with modern texts like How to Win Friends and Influence People (1936) by Dale Carnegie and The Power of Positive Thinking: A Practical Guide to Mastering the Problems of Everyday Living (1952) by Norman Vincent Peale. More recent popular works include Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff (1997) by Richard Carlson, The Secret (2006) by Rhonda Byrne, and The Power of Habit (2012) by Charles Duhigg. Today’s books span areas as diverse as business, mental health, spirituality, substance abuse recovery, stress, finance, health, love and relationships, and many other sub-genres.

The love and relationships sub-genre encompasses several themes: attachment, communication, the act and process of love, dating, marriage, sexuality, gender differences, unhealthy relationship issues, and non-monogamy. Psychologists, relationship coaches, spiritual leaders, and others use various fields to tackle these themes, including religion, spirituality, philosophy, psychology, and science. As Tom Butler-Bowdon explains, “[S]elf-help is not about the fantasies of the ego, but involves the identification of a project, goal, ideal, or way of being where you can make a big difference. In doing so, you transform a piece of the world–and yourself along with it” (Butler-Bowdon, Tom. 50 Self-Help Classics Second Edition: Your Shortcut to the Most Important Ideas on Happiness and Fulfillment. Nicholas Brealey Publishing, 2017, p. 2).

Texts in the love and romance sub-genre were especially popular in the late 1900s. Such texts include Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages (1992), an exploration of relationship communication that occurs through specific “love languages” (the book has inspired several sequels); psychologist John Gottman’s The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (1999) and other texts by Gottman and his wife Julie Schwartz Gottman; and Marshall B. Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships (1999), which highlights communication tools for romantic and other relationships. Other key books include Harville Hendrix’s Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples (1988) and Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love (1988) by anthropologist Helen Fisher, known for her books on science and love.

Eight Rules of Love joins the more recent sub-genre, which often draws on Eastern spiritual traditions. Other books that parallel this mix include David Richo’s How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving (2002), which applies Buddhist mindfulness to love; How to Love (2014) and True Love: A Practice for Awakening the Heart (1997) by Zen monk Thich Nhat Hanh, which provide Buddhism-based meditations and advice on love; and The Path to Love: Renewing the Power of Spirit in Your Life (1996) by Deepak Chopra, which refers to Hindu texts like the Vedas, similar to 8 Rules of Love.

Eight Rules of Love supports its rules with scientific research, a common practice in contemporary self-help texts. It follows a standard format in the genre by enumerating a set of rules or principles supported by practical exercises, and it leads readers through stages or a path of transformation similar to other self-help books.

Like many other self-help authors, Shetty uses a casual tone and writes for general adult audiences. He uses the pronoun “you” when addressing readers and “we” to include himself as a person who has faced relationship challenges. He speaks to a broad audience and supports his application of Vedic principles with psychological and scientific studies, as well as anecdotes from his coaching work with clients, thus making the book more accessible. Accessibility is key for self-help books, and the combination of a casual tone and client stories creates this tone.

Shetty excludes specific mention of the issues LGBTQ or non-monogamous couples might encounter even though couples of all types might experience the general relationship issues discussed. Like many other books in the sub-genre, 8 Rules of Love leaves specialized topics to specialized books. Instead, it foregrounds a heteronormative and mononormative path through a relationship that involves singlehood, dating, and a long-term relationship, which is assumed to be the reader’s main goal.